FUTILE DESIRE BY MERIT GOGO-FYNEFACE.

“kai" you are sweeter than your mother faa,”Danladi said, fanning himself with his ash kufi hat. He lay there on the large bed, his pot belly rising and falling with each rapid breath. He was smiling now, staring at her slender dark-skinned back, spotless but for a small birth mark that had missed her shoulders. Yetunde brushed her hair gently, turning from side to side yet, firmly covering her breasts with the white beddings not bothering with her uncovered bottoms that had hollowed the part of the bed where she sat backing Danladi. Then she turned, her lips curled with disgust.“What?” she growled, casting a stony stare at Danladi who did not even seem to know what he had done or said. He lay there staring blindly reminiscing their affair that had just ended after minutes of priceless excitement. “You are sweeter than your mother walahi” he repeated, as if it was a worthy compliment, then his eyes met Yetunde’s hardened face. She threw the pink hair brush at him. It missed his forehead, hit the edge of the bed and stopped on the marble floor of the hotel.“shege ya,’ he shouted. Eyes widened.Yetunde rapidly made for her blue dress, unceremoniously throwing it over her neck as she forced the zipper close. She reached for her black purse, counted the mint notes he had given her as partial consideration for five rounds without knowing he had bedded her mother too. She closed the purse and hissed. She was headed towards the door until she realized it was still bright, the sun had not hidden perfectly. She slammed her right fist into her open palm as she sat on the bed again, looking venomously at Danladi as his pot belly joggled in an attempt to wear his trousers. He was fully clad now and had become Danladi Hassan- the austere looking man who ran one of the largest accounting firms in Lagos. The man in whose presence half of his staffers quivered, yet she had turned him into her fancy toy that heeded her commands whenever. Her father had introduced her to Danladi so that he could put her through rather than busying herself with what he called a futile desire of becoming a musician but Danladi had promised to birth Yetunde’s dream in exchange for having Yetunde grace his bed. “Nonesense! Waste of time. Four years at the university studying accounting and you decide to waste your time singing?” Nicholas had thundered a long time ago when news had gotten to him that Yetunde was performing in a popular bar within the city and he had sworn that she would never have her disgrace him with such frivolities then he had spoken to Danladi who had promised to take her into his firm. Yet Danladi had betrayed that trust. Yetunde suppressed his reasoning, possessed them totally by her gracefulness, unearthly beauty and a full figure - Yetunde had owned him the day she started as his assistant at Danladi Hassan & Co.He sat beside her now, touching her jaw. “Call him now! “she ordered.“kai! Yetunde, look at the time faa,” he said, looking at his gold wrist watch.“I shall call him tomorrow,” he said, as she relieved her tightened eyebrows and tried vainly to conceal her smile, knowing that tomorrow Danladi’s bosom friend would birth her passions and her musical career would grow from there without her parent’s knowledge. Yet, it could not be. Remilekun began to push even harder for her and she married him in no time especially since it was the only thing that was going to excite her mother after Nicholas had woken up one morning and deserted them- his wife and three children, leaving with Seyi his step daughter, without explanation. He had shocked them all even Rosaline the house keeper, yet as days went by it was apparent the disgrace would last a lifetime. I hate this man; today, tomorrow and for as long as I do not want to be with him. He says I must be on my toes, like I do not know what being a wife means in Africa and when I tell him how much I want to sing- the first and only passions of my life that’s beginning to seem like a mirage almost going just the way my old habit of capturing my daily routines in a diary has disappeared, life can get so intense sometimes. He asks me if singing would put food on our table. Yetunde soliloquized walking from one end of the room to another; scheming a plan that would launch her musical ambitions that had been further trapped by the hopeless marriage that had even worsened her living.As if her mother had known this and had gifted her brown Honda car on her wedding day - that she would land in the house of a man who until their wedding night had not told her the only money he had saved up was merely less than ten thousand naira. Yetunde had fainted that night in her new home at Ada George; when he had roused her after several faint splashes of water on her face, he knew he would be a dead man if he touched her silk nightgown. Remilekun Idowu was her incurable disease of poverty and misery and she had severally refused to consummate their marriage especially with the knowledge of the debts she had walked into deceived by Remilekun’s flashy lifestyle. Remilekun wore expensive cologne, clothing and all the fancy things. She had never imagined he was a stupid broke ass when she met him that sunny afternoon at the mall. “Remilekun you are a daemon, do you hear” “You must be very dumb to think that at thirty-three I could acquire all these easily,“ he said, pointing randomly at the remnant of their belongings. “Whatever happened to living within your means Remilekun“ “.. a a a and you, Yetunde Nicholas were going to settle for a pauper ? Please!” “I cannot believe that you would ever do this to me,” they fought that night, when his colleague parted with the car and handed them the trivial cash worth to offset their debts. Items kept vanishing into the hands of ready purchasers until they had a scarcely furnished apartment. As new days came, it was clear that Yetunde was stuck with Remilekun. It meant that his shame was hers; and she had to be Remilekun’s woman in all the ways a woman would. Then Ayoola came after several attempts of getting rid of him – stubborn child that would not go away, she had mused at his birth, yet smiling slowly to convince well-wishers that his birth had brought her joy, as she rocked him on the small hospital bed.Ayoola grew into a bright boy looking like his father at four yet his asthmatic health condition intensifying. Remilekun was out, drinking with friends that evening, Ayoola was fast asleep, there was nothing stopping Yetunde from honouring a birthday invitation especially with the incessant calls from her neighbour, the celebrant. She looked her best in a multi-coloured blouse and a black jean trouser, yet when she entered the excellently furnished apartment; it was obvious poverty had gripped her, clad in a bizarre best, without a gift. This was your life Yetunde Nicholas! this was your life. She whispered to herself as she walked timidly to take a seat. Looking at the female guests, she realized how successful she had wanted to be, how smooth she had thought her life would be after Danladi’s influence had finally gotten her accepted by a big shot in the music industry. “What have you done to yourself Yetunde?” She had no answer to this as she raced back home in the rain that night after the party. Heavy rain drops battered her, soaked her, plastering her blouse against her skin revealing the red brassiere she wore underneath. She shut the wooden door, quickly ran her palm over her face to reduce its wetness as the strong wind slammed a window in the neighbouring flat. On seeing Ayoola struggle, tears streamed down her eyes. She shivered. Suddenly the light disappeared from the bulb; darkness covered the room, hardening her search for his inhaler. She turned on her cell phone, combing desperately until she felt his inhaler in the wooden drawer and forced it into his mouth. It was empty. Yet there was not even a dime in the house. Remilekun had taken their last with him and had even tampered with her savings. Yetunde wanted her life back and she watched Ayoola pass out - the only way she had thought. Remilekun had blamed her over time as if he knew she never wanted Ayoola in the first place, as if he had been somewhere peeking when she sat there watching Ayoola pass away in her presence. Yetunde packed her belongings and headed back home to FESTAC. Gradually her life began to come together and she would scrible in her diary daily. Danladi had gotten himself a new mistress because she had strained their relationship to wear the decency that came with marriage. Luck shined on her again when Wales, spotted her at a karaoke bar and had promised he had better plans. She lied about being awarded a masters scholarship by a Canadian university. She left home to pursue her passions with Wales. The sweet transformation was almost speedy; she tied the knot with her manager, Wales. Her life became all she had dreamt, yet she had to deal with his ex-wife calling now and then with the excuse of their daughter’s welfare. Now she wanted a child for Wales but it would not come. Frustration was slowly setting in. Numerous accolades in her name, she wanted more, yearning for motherhood again